Jan 19, 2011

THE FIRST OF THE WORST!

Here I am already with the first of the worst ideas for 2011!

If only I'd had the insight to keep a list of bad ideas from previous years. For example in 2009 when Sis and I had the brilliant idea for one of us to stand holding a bucket at the end of the rain gutter in front of Sis' house while the other stood high on a ladder holding the business end of a power washer. The one holding the bucket was supposed to catch the debris as it came shooting off the gutters end. LOL we're still laughing about that one.

I'm sorry to say that not enough time has passed for the first of the worse ideas of 2011 to be funny in any way. On the contrary, I'm still reeling from the stupidity and the mess of it. Here it is:
Snow fell for hours while Georgia slept one Sunday night recently. What a beautiful sight to wake to on Monday morning. A rare winter white-out causing havoc and closing schools, business' and roads all over the region.

Over the week that followed, temps never got above freezing so the snow turned to ice. Slippery, freezing, torturous to walk on, we couldn't even get across the yard without taking a spill. I'm not exaggerating, a pair of ice skates would have been the best way to get from Sis' place to mine (about 75 yards).

Using the last of the Kosher salt, one of us (I'm not saying who) tried her best to make things safer by sprinkling it atop the huge ice cubes now covering the walk way. The salt didn't put a dent in the problem, and we both held our breath as we watched my dogs practically sliding on their bellies to reach their favorite pooping place. All I could see were huge Vet bills on the horizon.

When the salt didn't work, one of us (I'm not saying who) decided to try kitty litter. Lots and lots of kitty litter, and for about 12 hours it provided an inkling of traction. Then the ice began to melt, turning the litter to a wet, smelly, dirty, gritty puddy-like pasty clay that sticks to everything and leaves tracks EVERYWHERE on everything. DOY!!!! Using kitty litter on ice is a stupid frikin idea.

The second worst idea was for the other of us (I'm not sayin which one) to get up this morning, still in her pajamas and slippers, retrieve a garden hose from it's winter holding place, attach it to a faucet in front of the house and try to wash this SHIT off the walk way.

After FORTY FIVE MINUTES, wet, with frozen fingers, frozen toes and a huge chunk of flesh torn from her bleeding knuckle (don't ask), she managed wash most of the litter from the walk, all the while growling obscenities into the freezing wind. How about you? You have any stupid ideas to report this early in the year? I'd love to hear them.

5 comments:

  1. OMG, please don't make me laugh so hard first thing in the morning! The snow had me stuck inside for a week! I would pop out for some pictures and pop right back inside! I didn't have anywhere to go, so I just stayed in! No funny, smart or not so smart stories to tell:) Have a blessed day and nice to see you!

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  2. Dear Kery
    How are you? Happy New year And I am sure the 2012 will start with better situation..ha ha LOL...your writing style is too good!! Cant stop reading over and over again !!!
    Thanks for your comment at my Himalayan Blog !!
    pakodas are fitters....vegetables or fish , meat etc are coated with various different types of batter and fried in oil. Most of the time it is chick pea powder. It is bit oily but very tasty..and it is fried at 160 deg C , so it is sterile and one doesnt get infection...
    Yes real Leopards...but as I said in the blog , they generally dont catch human beings ...but people dont take chances after dusk. Fortunately Leopards, Unlike tigers, only hunt from dusk to dawn...so people are safe during day. I recall once I saw a Leopard sitting on the Veranda of a tourist lodge where I was staying, just in front of the window...quite dreadful..so I quickly retired back to my bed..it was past midnight...
    Anyway ..dont worry , if you ever go to Himalayas. You will be safe.
    Have a nice weekend

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  3. Dear Keri,
    Wish you a very Happy New Year ..... I know I am a bit late. Have been busy working on my resolutions .... ONLY 5 !! Each time one tries walking out the door I grab it from behind .... lol.
    Your blog n writing is hilarious ...... Can't stop laughing. And your idea of using Kitty Litter is simply out of the box ... lol.
    Well Pranayam is has a lot in detail .... but in simple words it is a yogic breathing exercise which helps cure several ailments by increasing oxygen circulation (that we inhale) in our body.
    Thanks for dropping by my blog.

    Cheers,
    Satrupa

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  4. Oh, I so needed to read your blog and laugh today, I AM SO TIRED OF WINTER!!!

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  5. Ok, so I'm guessin' it was...you, you, you, you & you! :)

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